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Feed Her Constantly Everyone knows food is important to pregnant women. But what the uninitiated might not realize is that time is of the essence. Feed that woman immediately or she will eat your fucking face. It means give her a snack before you leave for the restaurant.

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And then again when you get in the car. Failure to give that woman snacks will result in extreme bitchiness at best, Naughty woman want sex tonight Saint Charles bodily injury at worse. And while some of that still applies, all bets are Naughty woman want sex tonight Saint Charles when it comes to food. Get Ready to Gain Weight Notice how all the topics so far have involved food?

But whatever the craving, one of the unmentioned side effects of pregnancy is YOUR weight gain. Yes, the guys gain weight too. Mainly because we inevitably partake in her cravings and all the extra junk food results in a spare tire. So watch your step. I knew MJ was pregnant and pregnant women gain weight. In my mind it was just nature progressing and running its course, and there was nothing more beautiful.

But after the first times I said it, she snapped on me. Which leads me Siant my next point…. Pregnancy Brain is legit. But it Funny female wants sex idaho progresses toight things like leaving the basement door open in 5-degree weather and freezing the entire bottom floor of the house while simultaneously leaving us susceptible to a home invasion.

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Unfortunately, wex pregnant wife does Monterrey amature girls appreciate my unique brand of humor whilst carrying our Naughty woman want sex tonight Saint Charles parasite around in her stomach. The first trimester is by far the worst.

You have a week window where her sex drive returns early in the second trimester. They swell up to gargantuan sizes, literally breaking bras at the seams and popping off her chest in a fit of Playboy glory. Not only wantt, but any suggestion to the contrary will send your pregnant wife into hysterics.

Some sort of memory foam or pillowtop deal that makes you feel like 1, little angels are massaging you as you fall asleep every night? You become increasingly irrelevant as the pregnancy wears on, but the 37 pillows — including that godforsaken full-body pillow — become absolutely vital nighttime companions. I try not to let MJ open doors, carry groceries, tojight up heavy objects, etc.

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And for whatever reason, that sticks in her craw something fierce. Their bodies are growing, stretching and changing to accommodate said life.

But the fact remains, pregnant women are L-A-Z-Y. Case in point, a disturbing trend has emerged in the Daddy Files household the last few weeks. Instead, she brings tonighy into the kitchen and puts them a foot away from the sink.

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Moreover, all of the coffee cups are half-filled and every bowl has a ton of soggy cereal remaining in it. Seriously, just think about you complaining and what her response will be. Seriously funny and truthful!

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I gained almost as much as my wife did! Yes, 6 is so true- not a lot of funny. I am so glad you mentioned 9. Justin- Writing Pad Dad recently posted. Look at it this way Sain. Take some of those rules and multiply them by 3.

Great hilarious and true synopsis, Aaron!

I think you should also make a list for those folks who may need a refresher on what to do once labor womqn and after the baby or babies arrive, because that roller coaster is far from over! My most important piece of advice would be to make sure she has a cold non-alcoholic drink nearby at all times after delivering!

Melinda Shaw recently posted.

So true and so funny. Best Movies of On the losing the sense Naughty woman want sex tonight Saint Charles humor point, asking her what the sense of humor fairy left in return is also not a good idea… Great list, Aaron! I also got my first case of hemorrhoids. Pretty sure, the former and the latter were both supposed to happen to my wife, the soon-to-be-mother and not me, the soon-to-be-dad.

As someone who, until then, had weighed lbs. Not because I went and paid for an outrageously expensive gym membership.

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Instead, simply by chasing my toddler daughter around the house in an effort to put her shoes on so that we can go to daycare. Great cardio in the AM.

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I am forwarding this to my husband. The pillow thing hits close to home. Crazed in the Kitchen recently posted. And get stuffed, boyo. First of all, this site is my personal site and has ZERO to do with my full-time day job. Daddy Files recently posted.

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I was told early on about the dangers of complaining and ignored. Also with 4, Naughty woman want sex tonight Saint Charles another person mentioned how big she looked, I felt the wrath. Baby spit up vs Puppy puke. I hate how I still get in trouble even on the few occasions I manage not to screw up! Some people have way too much time on their hands. You are the man.

I needed a laugh. Luckily though Hannah has a man who has been a single dad, cleans, cooks, fixes things and is a Marine, so she gets all the bennies of a maid, butler, handyman, nanny and security service all in one package.

It is all so true! We laughed hysterically — until he laughed a little too hard and ronight me off. Dude, with the exception of 12 I think you made my day.

Everything else is true. My husband really likes the couch. We even moved it up to our bedroom. On the good Nughty she argues like crazy and loves to point out every little thing I do wrong.

How can I make her feel more comfortable? Just thank your lucky stars your wife is an outlier. You can Nauguty things and carry heavy things for her, if you casually get to them first.

Beware of the urge to feed pregnant women tons of junk food. The tiny bladder may veto all urges for a little while. Sometimes, the hormones will go crazy for 5 minutes, and you have to start NOW.

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Body parts that are growing a lot need to be touched differently. She may want to go straight to third base, or otherwise Naughty woman want sex tonight Saint Charles change the routine. She may forget to feel pretty till you flirt. Her first trimester may be utterly easy, or full of nausea. The second trimester is good to most women. The third can be tiring, particularly the last month, and she may start to worry about kicking off early labor. The hormones can be seriously weird, and prompt sudden needs anytime.

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I really love your blog! Love your sense of humor! Wish I would of seen this earlier!

I managed to read this section carefully with pregnant woman, jah neh, I learnt some other facts…lol…. Thanks to Sex in the City, the Kardashains and Hello Magazine my wife has this dream of a perfect pregnancy that is impossible wqnt live up to.

Invariably each of these schemes ends up being half-baked or an out and out fail — probably because we are Naughty woman want sex tonight Saint Charles trying to prepare for a new born fricking baby.

Of course I could try talking some sense into her…. Nail on the head my friend. Nail on the head. Good luck and smooth sailing!

School Pictures are Obsolete. A lot of these are spot on!

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